Why don't we do it in the road?

Dad: [singing out loud, but to himself]
Why don't we do it in the road?
Why don't we do it in the road?
No one will be watching us,
Why don't we do it in the road?
Nat: DAD?!!!
Dad: What?
Nat: DAD?!! You know!
Dad: I know? I know what?
Nat: That song! You know what that song means! . . .Don't you?
Dad: What song?
Nat: You know! Why don't we do IT...!!!
Dad: Huh? IT? What are you talking about?
Nat: IT! You know, doing IT! The song is talking about doing IT!
Dad: Uh, that's not what I'm talking about!
Nat: No? What are you talking about?
Dad: First off, IT could be anything. They don't mention what IT is. They could be talking about thumb wrestling, for all I know.
Noah: Thumb wrestling! That's silly! Why would you want to thumb wrestle in the middle of the road?
Nat: Why would they want to do IT in the middle of the road? That's what I'm talking about.
Noah: Yeah, it does seem like a dumb thing to do, right?
Dad: No, no, no. It is not like that.
Nat: Well, what do you think it is about?
Dad: Dancing!
Nat and Noah: Dancing?!!!
Dad: Yeah, dancing. Haven't you heard the saying, "Dance like no one is watching?"
Nat and Noah: No! [laughing hysterically]
Dad; Yeah, that's why they're saying, "No one will be watching us..." You want to dance like no one is watching!
Noah: You mean like this?!!! [dances very silly while two people walk by and stare]
Nat: Um, exactly Noah! [head gestures towards the onlookers]
Noah: [dances even sillier]
Dad: That's the spirit!

(with my apologies to the Beatles!)

Thinking of Iran and China

I remember Tienanmen Square.
I remember the video that so hauntingly shows the single man in front of the tank.
I remember the sinking feeling of doom and the disintegration of hope in the spark of Democracy.
I think of Iran.
And the random man felled by a pro-government projectile.
And the smiling leader who feigns fortitude and normalcy.
The world watches as it flinches from the memory of that sinking feeling.

And from the freedom of my home, it is with bittersweet brotherhood I write these thoughts for all to see, knowing that in the very places where support might most be appreciated, it would also most likely be blocked.

A letter from a student is better than any kind of validation

I just got a letter from a former student. It caught me off guard as I read it walking through the hallway in our school's office. I try not to get sentimental or emotional at work, but this letter choked me up. You never know what little things you do affect those around you. I keep a lot of the notes I get from my students, but this one is going in a special place for when I am feeling at the end of my rope. I will post the letter below, changing some of the names in it to maintain confidentiality as much as possible. I am not editing for spelling or grammar. That is not important here. What is important is that I am grateful that she thought enough about me and our experience that she took the time and effort to write to me. I am very touched:

May 24, 2009
Hi Mr. Selvin,
It’s been a little while since I was 10 and in your 5th grade class. It was your first year at [the school where I work, WTP], and you were the first male teacher I ever had. The first time I ever met you was during the summer right before school was about to start. I had been at [WTP], helping out teachers get ready for school. I was so anxious, yet nervous at the same time to meet you. As a normal 5th grader would, I kept wondering, “What if he’s really strict? What if he doesn’t like me? What if none of my friends are in that class?” I remember, walking down and seeing an unfamiliar face walking towards me and I asked, “Are you Mr. Selvin”, and you replied “Yep, your Dalia, right?? I think I have you in my class”. I was so surprised that you already knew my name and school hadn’t even started! I already like him I thought to myself.
Now, I currently go to school at [BHS], and am going on my 10th grade year here. This year, I had the privilege of being on [BHS]’s pom team, who won first place in the county in Division 1. So far I have successfully gotten straight A’s throughout this whole year, and am doing best to continue the hard work. High school is nothing like I thought it would be. I thought all the teachers were going to be really strict, and being a freshman, I thought I’d get pushed around a lot. It’s almost the exact opposite. The teachers I’ve had this year have been some of the nicest most generous teachers, with whom many, I’ve developed good friendships with. Completing all 3 years in middle school, I’d love to come back to [WTP] and tell your 5th graders about the whole experience.
Mr. Selvin, you are the one teacher I have shared the most memorable experiences with, which is why I wanted to write to you. Everyday, at about 2:30 when I’m passing [WTP], I look up to the window remembering what it was like to be in 5th grade. My mind begins to flash back to all those times as if it were yesterday.
I remember when you first showed us that game boggle. After that, I fell in love with playing it. I could never forget the talent show of 2005 when Aliya Lydia, Kira, and I , all did the number 2 pencils skit with you. I always wondered if you ever kept the pencil that I had made that you wanted keep, so you could show it to your students the next year.
That year, after we took our fall pictures and we had gotten them back, you had called us up one by one to ask if we were going to buy them. My picture, I hated because I thought I looked like a boy because my hair was pulled back and my head was big. When you saw it you asked why I wasn’t getting it because you thought in fact, I looked very nice. I just wanted you to know that, you telling me that meant a lot to me because as a child, and even now, I am very self-conscious about myself.
During the time when we were talking about civil rights, I brought in a bible that had been my great grandmothers. It had gotten burned when somebody had tried to burn her house down, and she grabbed it before she escaped. My dad was unsure about letting me take it in to school because he thought I might break it because it was so fragile. I begged him to let me show you, because it was something that was special to my family, and I couldn’t help but want to share it with you because I knew you would grasp the importance of it.
I’m not sure if your 5th graders now still have to write the poem book, like we did, but I enjoyed doing it. That was the first time I learned about cinquain poems. One of mines that you liked in particular was called “Snow”. It went…
Snow
Cold, breezy
Rolling, falling, piling
Finally it melts away
Gone?

You told me you liked the last part that said “gone?” because we do wonder if it’s really gone or not. When we first got the assignment that we had to write a poem, I wasn’t very thrilled, but after that, I developed a likeness for it, and now writing poetry is one of my favorite hobbies.
Aside of all those times, you have taught me some of the most valuable lessons on life than anyone has ever given me. At the end of year about this time, I remember you telling us a story about these heavenly gods, and an average man who wanted to be like them. One day the man asked the gods if he could join them and be popular like they are. They said to him, he could join them, but if he didn’t he would have to have a sword hanging over his head, held by just a measly thread. Although I didn’t understand the story that much then, I now understand the reality of it. The more popular you are or try to be, the more you’re a victim of something bad happening to you. This happens a lot in high school because the more popular or well known you are, the more there are people subject to not like you, even if you don’t know them. Rumors get easily passed around, leaving you to deal with a lot of drama. I often think back to that story when in situations like that where I’m the average guy wanting to be with the gods.
This letter is just to show all my appreciation for you and all that youv’e done for me. You prepared me well for middle school so I thank you for that. Continue being the wonderful teacher that you are. I hope yo’ve influenced many of your other students, like you’ve don me. I’ll stop by one day to say hello. If I don’t see you before schools out, I wish you a great rest of the year, and many m ore.
Sincerely,

Random Conversation

N2: Stop that, you're annoying me.
N1: Stop what? I'm not doing anything.
N2: Yes you are! You just moved your drink closer to me and I don't like that!
N1: I don't know what you're talking about. I didn't do anything.
Dad: You know you did something. Your brother has asked you to stop and has told you what he doesn't like about your actions. You need to respect that.
N:1 I didn't do anything.
N:2 Yes you did!
Dad: Look, just ignore her; she's trying to get your goat.
N:2 Goat? I don't even have a goat! How can she be trying to get my goat?
N:1 Goat? That's hilarious! What am I going to do with a goat?
Dad: (shakes his head)

When Pigs Sneeze

The following is an actual conversation between two students in my class today (names are changed):

Pierre: Who made Swine Flu?
Erin: Nobody. It's a virus -- it's a flu.
Pierre: Who do you think made up the name Swine Flu, then.
Erin: Nobody made it up -- it is a flu that pigs get.
Pierre: Then why do they call it Swine Flu? Did someone just give it a funny name?
Erin: No, swine is another name for pig. Probably is like Latin or some other old language. We don't use the word anymore.
Pierre: Oh, so do you get it if a pig sneezes on you?
Erin: Sneezes on you? That's ridiculous! When is a pig gonna sneeze on you? You know they closed a school around here.
Pierre: Yeah, I know.
Erin: So do you think that pigs were running around the school? No!

Family Life, part 3: Round Up

This has been an interesting round for Family Life. This year the boys asked thoughtful questions and also taught me a few things. It never ceases to amaze me to hear/read some of the things they come up with. The language they are using must be indicative of the environment and culture that surrounds them. While some of the questions they ask are standard and predictable, some of them are nothing short of bizarre and off-the-wall! This installment includes the wrap-up of some of the loose ends of the unit and also questions brought up when we had an RN come in as a guest speaker to talk about the birth process --from after conception through birth. We also discussed the Swine Flu a bit, as the school system gave us our own bottle of hand sanitizer along with a public release statement about the way to prevent or reduce the risk of spreading the virus. (what next, condoms?) There aren't any new words or terminology included in this installment, but there are some questions that did test my ability to keep focused and not lose it! Again, please note that for the most part, I have edited the responses to de-emphasize spelling and grammar issues (unless it adds to the interest of the response) so the content of the material here is the focus. For one thing, I have noticed that the kids spell penis many different ways, so in many cases, I have left the spelling the way it is. See how many different ways you can find!

1. After erections, when your ejaculate and have orgazam, is your penis soft?
2. What is a G-string?
3. Is the word pussy slang for vagina?
4. What does sexually active mean?
5. Do you get an erection, ejaculation and then orgasm and what are the differences?
6. There's a hockey team that is called the Washington CAPITALS and they are having a Beard-a-Thon
7. Is there a way you can shave the pubic area?
8. Is your peanis hurting a part of puberty?
9. How can a peenis get excited.
10. How do your balls get hard when you see a hot girl?
11. Can you die from the flu?
12. Can you get the flu if you touch the tissue box and someone else gets up and touches it too?
13. How do you shave the penis hair?
14. I know that the same thing happens to dogs like the erection.
15. If you are gay, how do you have kids with a man? but I'm not gay.
16. Does it hurt if your penis gets an erection and your penis gets bent?
17. Where do babies come out: the vagina or the butt hole?
18. Do girl's vaginas have sweat?
19. Why do girl's boobs grow bigger than ever?
20. Why do boys want to see girls boobs?
21. If a girl sees something exciting, do their vaginas get big?
22. Why do boys bodies have a penas?
23. Do boys eyes get big when you are going through puberty?
24. Is sperm the white stuff in your penis?
25. How are triplets born?
26. Don't eggs take 10 months after having sex?
27. What if your balls start burning because of soap?
28. What is a tampon?
29. If the girl uses all of her eggs, can she still get pregnant?
30. If an animal's blood gets in your body, can you still get HIV?
31. When men lose their hair, can it grow back?
32. How do twins happen when 1 egg [is there]?
33. What produces hormones?
34. Can you have sex while having an erection?
35. Why do some men have men boobs?
36. If your balls get cut, can sperms leak out? [my personal favorite question here!]
37. Why do some women have beards and mustaches?
38. What if you accidentally pee in a girl's vagina while having sex?
39. What is a dooshbag?
40. Can you have only one testicle?
41. Why are babies bald when they are born?
42. As you grow and you have hair on your penits, do you cut off the hair there?
43. When does puberty become the strongest? At what age do most of the things happen?
44. If you have sex before the HIV has shown up in your blood, because it takes about 6 months to show up in the blood, will you get HIV?
45. On which part of the body do you grow hair the most?
46. Can you force sperm out like pee?
47. What happens when you . . . have sex when you still have the baby in your stomach?
48. How do you ejaculate the sperm?
49. Will we grow hair in our pubic area?
50. when semen mixes with the egg, a baby is made, right?
51. How would you know it is not pee if the water broke?
52. What is the cervix?
53. What does it mean to get the tubes tied?
54. Can the baby still be in the woman's stomach if it died?
55. Do twins come out at the same time?
56. Can the baby eat anything?
57. What do you need a C-section for?
58. Does the woman feel weird when the baby is coming out?
59. What if the baby is too fat and cracks the mama's rib cage?
60. What if the baby is born butt first?
61. What is the string in the baby's belly button?
62. What is labor?
63. So, the baby comes out in 40 weeks?
64. Why can't you remember anything when your a baby? (in the stomach)
65. How do you know when the baby is full when it's eating?
66. If there are twins, where would they be?
67. Isn't it true that sometimes when a baby is born that after the mom could get sick?
68. How long does it take to recover? [from labor]
69. What does labor mean and what happens to the woman?

Family Life, Continued...

Note: This post is the second installment of questions from 5th graders taking the Family Life unit. I am presenting this material because I believe it is important to understand what our kids know, don't know, and wonder about. These are actual questions and comments that they have written down on note cards during the unit. While many of these responses are amusing on the surface, they must highlight the seriousness and importance of giving children the appropriate information according to their age and needs in order to make healthy and informed choices. It is also informational for us as adults, too. Several pop culture terms have surfaced that have taken us by surprise. The previous Family Life posting referenced the term ski. This posting will reveal another term that to unsuspecting parents/adults may find a bit disturbing when I explain its meaning. Some of the information in this post may contain explicit language. Be forewarned.
This brings me to another point. How do I address these questions to the kids? That is a good question. First, I must say that I am practiced in the Art of the Straight Face. That is not to say that I don't loose it once in a while when I get a question that is unbelievably bizarre, but for the most part, what the kids write is fairly routine. Most of it I can handle or deflect. When it comes to questions regarding the act of sex, family planning issues, or other taboo subjects, I calmly acknowledge the question and tell them that it might be better if they get that information from their family, doctor, or (insert appropriate person). Once in a while there is a question that is disturbing, to which I have resources to draw upon. I will not be addressing how I have answered any of these questions here directly, sorry. Again, in MOST cases, I will edit these questions only for clarity. I do not want these postings to be more about spelling and grammar, however there will be a few places where I leave the spelling as it is because, well, you'll see.
Enjoy! These are from the boys:

1. Why do you throw up when you get hit in the penis?
2. Is it possible for a woman to get a mustache?
3. What if you tell an adult if you're touched on your private parts and they adults don't believe you?
4. What is semen?
5. When you go through changes, will we get mad sometimes?
6. Will the hair go away when we get older?
7. What happens when a girl gets sexually excited?
8. What does beating your meat mean?
9. When semen hits the surface, doesn't it get hard? Because when ski hits the ground, someone said it hardens. <-----Editor's note and explicit warning! Here's is an eye-opener! In reference to yesterday's comment about semen being called ski, again we were wondering what this one meant about semen hardening. Thanks to an astute staff member, we found out there is a Soulja Boy song called Crank Dat Dance, where a certain term is used: Superman that hoe. Here are part of the lyrics: Soulja Boy Off In This Hoe/Watch me Crank ItWatch me Roll/Watch me Crank Dat Soulja Boy/Then Super Man Dat Hoe. So what does this have to do with semen, or ski, hardening? This is the connection: Apparently, Super man is a verb and this action is to fuck a passed out female from behind, pull out and come on her back, and use it to paste a sheet on her back so that when she wakes up, she has a superhero "cape" on her back. Did you know this? I didn't.
10. Which part of the body creates sweat?
11. Why do girls grow earlier than boys?
12. When you are kicked in you penis, why does it make you want to throw up?
13. When you have sex, how do you know if it's a boy or a girl. <-----Editor's note: I just read a funny posting about Senetor Al Franken. In it, Al is going on a date and his dad figures he needs to tell him about the birds and the bees. When he gets to the part of the female anatomy, Al looks at his dad in surprise and says (and I may be paraphrasing), "What? Girls don't have penises?" Of course, his father became distressed, and of course, Al was just joking.
14. When you have sex, do you get sex diseases?
15. Do girl's vaginas have hair?
16. How does sperm come out when you have sex?
17. Do we have sperm in us now?
18. Why do girls have breasts?
19. When you see something exciting and your balls/penis gets big, is it called horny?
20. When you are kicked in the balls, do the testes hurt?
21. Can an egg get to a lady anytime or is there a certain time?
22. Does puberty start mostly early or mostly late?
23. I thought kidneys cleaned the pubic area.
24. Is another name for panty liners a thong?
25. What is the difference between a training bra and bra?
26. Doesn't having sex with girls with HIV or AIDS give you their disease?
27. How do you ejaculate the sperm?
28. When a girl first has her period, if she uses a tampon, can she die?
29. Why do we go through puberty?
30. Do we go through puberty when we are adults?
31. One time my mom told me that one woman on the radio kissed another woman on the cheek. That was weird!
32. Do animals go through puberty?
33. Does your penis stay bigger after an erection?
34. Is there an egg that comes from both ovaries? (I think he meant do both ovaries send out an egg at the same time)
35. Why does blood come to the penis and make it harden?
36. Why do we have sex?
37. Is there any type of protective gear for when you have sex? 'cause I've heard of condums.
38. Does it hurt a girl when she gets hit in the vagina?
39. Does it hurt a girl if you stick your dick in the vagina?
40. If the Tampax gets stuck, will she die?
41. This one is unedited: If the penus is in a girl's butt, is it true [that afterwards] she gets loose vowels, which is she has to doo doo?

These are from the girls:

1. Is it true that you need to have sex to have babies?
2. What if you caught someone having sex, like your parents or someone and they didn't know. What do you do? (but it never happened to me).
3. What do you do if someone is abusing you?
4. Are we talking about body parts or sex?
5. What is it called if a boy or girl takes a pic then sends it to a boy or girl?
6. This class is so new to me. It feels weird.
7. Why can't you legally say things?
8. If you are a girl and change your sex to a guy, do you still have periods?
9. Why does the girl get periods?
10. PS: I don't have mine yet.
11. My mom told me before I had my, you know what. She said to me if I have sex, I would probably get, you know, so I knew about this because my mom told me.
12. Do people feel weird or embarrassed when they get their purpety?
13. What are some other ways U know that U have U're period?
14. Do tampons feel like pills for yeast?
15. Can you feel blood going through your system?
16. Do you have to start your period to have to be pregnant?
17. If I have my period during school, can I come to U 4a pad?
18. If I have my period on the pool party, can you help me with my tampon? If not, what should I do? (don't say my name if they ask)
19. How long would puberty really last?
20. Do you get cramps be4 your period gets there?
21. What is estrogen?
22. How [does] the pad get thin and longer?
23. Why do boy's penises point more?
24. If you get your period for the first time, how do you keep track of if you have a light, regular, or extra blood flow?
25. What if a girl starts the period at elementary school and the school didn't have pads?
26. What if a girl started the period at home and they ran out of pads and it was too dark to buy pads until the next day?
27. How do you deal with your period when it is unregular and you don't know when it's coming.
28. What should be the first kind of pad we get?
29. What age did you get your period?
30. When you first start getting your period, how would you know which pad size to get?
31. How does puberty happen?
32. How does your period happen?
33. What age would be safe to wear a tampon?
34. When you get your period, does it hurt a lot?
35. Why can't girls and boys be friends without people thinking you're going out?
36. Do you have to sleep with a pad on?
37. If a woman has a hysterectomy, can she still have a baby?
38. If you never have a period, what will happen?
39. Can you get affected by wearing a pad too long?
40. Who made or discovered sex?
41. What if your period lasts 1 day?
42. What if a boy knows that you have "P", what should you do?
43. When you wear a tampon, do you have a string hanging out of your vagina all day?
44. What if you are at school about in high school and you're taking a test and you have your period and you can't leave the room to change? What do you do?
45. When did you first get your period and at what age? When did you know about periods and puberty, and was it disgusting?
46. Can boys get periods?
47. How do you know when your blood comes out from your thing?
48. Why is penis so funnier than sex?
49. What age can a doctor stop looking at your you know what?
50. Isn't there something else that young girls have before they have a period? What is that called?
51. What if you start having your period and if you want to go to the nurse and your teacher is a guy, will they understand what we are going through and not freak OUT!!!
52. Why is the guys penis pointier than the women's?
53. Are discharges kind of like periods?
54. Why do men care about women's bodies so much?
55. When a boy gets erections, how long do they last? Are they like periods and do they come back? Does it hurt when a boy gets erections?
56. Is it possible for males to have babies?
57. If a [boy] loses his penis, what will happen?
58. Do boys have something like a period to show that they are going through puberty?
59. how does the boy's penis get an erection?
60. When you're pregnant, how long does it take for your body to find out your pregnant and start having symptoms?
61. Can you shave the hair on your private parts, or you just let it keep growing?
62. What is labia and tubes?
63. How do the boys get pads?
64. Exactly what is sperm?
65. The first time I get my period, will it be a heavy flow?
66. What do you mean it hardens? (the penis)
67. Do all boys have wet dreams?
68. What does erection mean? I don't understand it.
69. How exactly does an egg and sperm meet?
70. An ejaculation is when sperm comes out of the boy's penis, or is it when the penis hardens?
71. Do you still have your period when you get preg?
72. Do you get preg. every time you have sex?
73. We have thousands of eggs, right? Does that mean when all the eggs are done, [we are] done with having our period?
74. So when the egg cracks, does it mean you're having your you know?
75. Do boys grow hair on their penis?
76. If a male and a female have sex but with a condom, is there still a chance of her still getting pregnant? What does a condom look like?
77. What is the youngest age anyone has had their period?
78. What age do you start your period? (usually)
79. If you're on your period and having sex, what will happen to a girl when you're in high school?
80. Are women the only human group to have babies?

A Quick Pi Update

Yesterday, my pi eating student reached the 1001 digit milestone. What can you say about that?
Today I told my students that if they all get A's on their spelling test that I would attempt to recite pi to 50 digits and if everyone got 100%, that I would do that for 100 digits. They said that I should say that I will, not should. I told them that I was too old to remember that many digits and that I was being honest in saying I would attempt to do it. After all, that is all that I asked from them, right?
Anyway, one student chimed in and said, "Mr. Selvin, you're not that old!"
She got an "A" for the day!

Family Life: It's that time again! Warning: this posting contains some explicit language!

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Random Conversations

Nat: Why did the rooster cross the road?
Dad: I don't know, why?
Nat: Because the chicken was on vacation!

The Nature of Two Things That are Perplexing

There are two things that I find quite perplexing -- one rather amazing and the other rather amusing.
First, the amazing thing:
The student of mine who recited the 314 + digits of pi from memory a few weeks ago and thus causing me to don a blond do just recited 901 digits of pi today.
Yes, that's right folks! We had some visitors in the building today and they got to witness it too.
This student is not someone who you'd think would take up such a task. He's not D&D geeky or strangely savant. He's smart but not flashy and prefers to fly under the radar. Except for this anomaly, he's quite the adequate minimalist. However, this challenge has him showing his true nature. I told him that the cat's out of the bag now. This is big!

Secondly, the amusing thing:
It seems that my shortest blog entry happens to be the one that draws the most traffic! It is about a naturist beach I visited in Cornwall, England last summer. I would say that two-thirds of the visitors from Google searches include the word "naturist" in them.
Who'da known?
BTW, the second most-searched blog entries that are visited are related to the posts of the questions that the students ask during our 5th grade unit on Family Life, which is coming up very shortly. Check back in the near future for these updates!

Blond, Redux

So it was done. I'm now blond. Personally, I don't understand why people go through what it takes to do dye their hair, but that is another matter. What matters is that when I come back from spring break, my students will see that I have kept up by end of the challenge and did it.
What is even more amazing is that my students are incredible! One third of the students in the 5th grade have recited 20 or more digits of pi from memory, with about 12 of them hitting 50 or more digits! And, as if all of these exclamation points were not justified, here's another: One kid recited pi to 617 digits from memory yesterday!!! (yes, I think that deserves the extra !'s)
I don't know exactly what drives this urge, but I hope that it somehow transfers to them understanding that with a little bit of effort, they can do anything they set their minds to. Jaime called up the local paper, The Gazette, and a reporter wrote an article about it! (yes, another !)
[note: The article mentions that I said that pi goes out to 1 trillion digits, which is a significant misquote. I said that computers have calculated pi through that range, but as far as we know, since it is an irrational number, it goes on forever.]

Noodles, The Googling Cat

I am always amused, as is our generation, of the amazing technical prowess of kids these days. After all, I remember how cool it was as we stuck in the cassette tape to boot up our Commodore 64's in computer class in high school and how cutting edge it was for us to be programming in Basic code to make a number appear on the screen when we input a set of data. Now, if I have any problems with the computer (or the DVD remote, for that matter) all I have to do is ask my daughter or son, who have already figured it all out. It just amazes me to think that somewhere around my son's age, my dad brought home the latest and best Texas Instruments digital calculator with its bulky (by today's standards) hull and bright red digital readout. I remember playing with it doing all sorts of unnecessary calculations just to see it work. The first Macintoshes were years off and the verb or notion to google something was even further away and if I wanted to learn about something, I still had to open up the set of Encyclopaedia Britannica on our bookshelf to get some insight. Now my daughter sifts through the information with a few keystrokes to decide what to put in a report about Tasmania or I find an audio presentation about the Cyclops Polyphemus being outsmarted by Odysseus when my son says that "Nobody did it."

So to my surprise this morning, I found out that Noodles the cat has entered the information age! I left my laptop open on the table when I left this morning to take my daughter to horseback lessons. When I got back, there was Noodles sitting there beside the laptop as if I had just interrupted her from doing nothing. I knew she was sitting at, or more correctly on, the computer because I had to blow away some of her fur off the keyboard and screen. What I didn't know was that I must have caught her in the act of googling some information. I could see it in her eyes as they said, "Curses, foiled again. Oh look, a fly!"

When I looked at the computer, the Google page was up and the settings were somewhat altered, and on the search bar there was something typed in. At first it looked like just random keystrokes, but then I thought I'd check out what Noodles was "looking for."

Apparently, Noodles was looking for information regarding the cohesion of uniformity of soil (I guess for some plot to make a great escape out into the Outerworld). In the search bar I found the following:
"?(I9okn

Which was specific enough to bring up a few entries, one being about the aforementioned topic and others of undecipherable babble.

Who knew?

I didn't think they'd do it!

My students are awesome.
In honor of Pi Day, I gave my math students a challenge to see who could recite from memory the most digits of pi. See my previous post about that.
Since then, my homeroom has gone wild with the idea and when I challenged them further with the goal of reaching 314 digits of pi, I thought it was a far enough point to leave it at that. A few kids left the pack and traded the lead for the most digits recited and they had fun going back and forth. It was cool to watch them support each other, trying to memorize new sections.
On that Friday, one kid came up to me and told me that he was going to do it. On Monday he pointed his finger at me and said I was going down. I smiled at him, thinking that was just trash talk. Today he came in and told me that he was going to do it today. After an initial run, he forgot a 2-digit combination in the 250+ range, but when I gave him the number combo, he then ran through the rest with no trouble. He later came to me ready to do it and as he began, students began to gather around to watch. When he hit the former trouble spot, you could sense the crowd getting even more excited. I had to cover my mouth as I was smiling while he calmly recited the last 30 numbers in the series. When he reached the 314th digit, he went on to the 321st digit to the cheers of his classmates. The whole class erupted into a huge excited celebration that took us to lunch.
So now I will honor my part of the challenge and get my hair dyed blond. I will probably do it over our spring break, which begins in a week and a half from now.

An Amazing Slice of Pi!

On Friday, March 13, my math class celebrated Pi Day (a day early) to mark the calendar's closest approximation of the important ratio of pi. Pi, represented by the Greek letter (this program won't let me put the symbol here!), is the relationship between a circle's diameter its circumference. It is called an irrational number because its digits continue without end and no pattern yet discovered. So far, computers have calculated pi to over 1 trillion places! Reports claim that The Guinness Book of World Records has that someone has recited pi from memory to 67,000 digits! There are other unverified or unofficial claims for higher achievements, but really, let's ask ourselves the question that most of us shake our heads to: Why? I guess the peak of Mt. Everest would never have been reached with that kind of attitude, so I challenged my math students to see how many they could remember and recite. At first only a few students took on the task. One student who bravely took the first challenge reached 20 digits the next day. She earned a prize for her efforts. Since then, several students from my homeroom have taken on the challenge and it has gotten their competitive juices flowing, with a handful of them coming close to recalling 100 digits of pi. I didn’t think anyone would get that far, so I offered up a $5 prize as an enticement. That was achieved on the same day I mentioned it! As of this moment, I have two students who have blasted through the 100 digit mark with the highest number of digits recited from memory being 116, with seven others not far behind. One of the students who is in the lead is one that needs that positive attention and it has been a joy to see him get excited with doing this. I hope that he can see that he can do anything if he puts his mind to it! I have also thrown down the challenge that if a student at our school can recite from memory 314 digits of pi, I will reprise my agreement to dye my hair blond again!

Writing Strategies and Lego People

I have been working on a novel for some years now, and it is time to get it finished. Most of it is done, or at least most of the part that is easy to manage is done. For the last 2 years I've been languishing with the problem that at one point the number of characters that enter into the story has gotten too complicated for me to keep straight. A lot of them are minor players, but they all have specific reasons or roles to play. It wouldn't be so much of a problem if the characters were completely made up in my mind, but they aren't: they are drawn from the list of Arthurian knights, so they come with a lot of baggage! In the story I am writing, the knights or other characters that I am including all have some connection to their literary counterparts, but they are not necessarily them; they are what could be the "kernel of truth" that later became what the likes of Geoffrey of Monmouth, Chrétien de Troyes, or Sir Thomas Malory wrote about.

Without going into too much detail about the story, I have to write scenes that include many characters and their interactions. Keeping track of them and consistent has been a challenge, so I've devised a plan that I will give a try: I will use Lego people to stage each scene so I can visualize what is happening, who is there and involved and keep track of the events as they unfold.

Thanks to Noah, who has helped me sort through all of the Lego we have to find as many as we can collect. I ended up buying him a couple of small sets of Lego as an early birthday present, sans the people!

Truly Random YouTube

YouTube.


I've spent some time randomly strolling through the endless pathways of YouTube's voluminous and endless possibilities. I had never put anything on it, but often wondered who is putting all this crazy stuff and who are all these people making comments about these videos.


One day last fall I came across a video that had to do with something about Muzak, or something related to it. I don't know what overcame me, but I had to make a comment all of a sudden, which in turn meant I needed to sign up for an account.


Now, my grandfather, Ben Selvin was a big band leader in the 20's and 30's, and went on to be a recording executive. One of the jobs he had was working for Muzak at the beginning of its inception. More on that later.

My grandfather's tenure there had never really been discussed growing up, but it was always known. I never really knew what he did for them, but I did know what pop culture thought of Muzak, elevators and all. Don't ask, don't tell, right?

Well, one evening when I was in my teens working as a busboy at the Seafood Shanty, I had a moment of realization of a few things: As I was cleaning tables in a room that was being in the process of closing out, the background music began to filter into my consciousness. The song, at first unidentifiable to me, suddenly became disorienting; It was Muzak's version of Dardanella, my grandfather's song that was the first pop song to go gold back in 1919! The shock and irony of hearing and recognizing this was very strange. Hear the original version of Dardanella.

Anyway, I wrote a comment about this as it related to the video (of which I don't remember) and that was that.

A few weeks later, I got an email from a bloke named Joe Carter at Muzak... "Are you Ben Selvin's grandson?" Joe Carter, I later learned is from the band Joe Public, and is a programmer for Muzak. It turns out that 2009 is the 75th anniversary of the founding of Muzak and they were planning a big year-long celebration. My grandfather was at the beginning of this venture and as I found out, very important for a lot of what they recorded.

I then got in touch with a fellow named Bruce McKagan, (who's brother is Duff McKagan, bassist from Guns n Roses!). He was spearheading this whole 75 anniversary celebration where they were planning of highlighting each decade. He was interested in finding out any information about my grandfather's background and experiences that could help them along. He flew me down to their HQ's in near Charlotte, NC. Bruce was a wonderful host and showed me around the place and I got to meet some really cool folks and check out their archives and research. (their place is worth an entry of its own)

I learned that Muzak shed its elevator music identity and how my grandfather's work changed the music environment. When my grandfather started out, the music on records was not licensed for the airways. This meant that a radio station was not allowed to play recorded music. Music you heard was usually live performances, and if you played pre-recorded records, the musicians couldn't get properly compensated. Muzak changed that by recording (called transcriptions) their own music for distribution out to businesses through mostly telephone lines. Since the music was their property, they could play whatever they provided. The problem was, in the beginning, they had no music. In comes Ben Selvin. He was already a successful musician, bandleader and executive. He came in and began to record massive amounts of material. He had the best musicians, composers, arrangers and connections in the music industry, and he virtually recorded them all. I would go as far to say that during the depression, between his bands and work at Muzak, he kept a lot of musicians employed. He recorded thousands of songs on these transcription disks during his tenure there. The names read like a who's who: Dorsey Brothers, Joe Venuti, Fats Waller just to name a few off the top of my head without looking it up. Many of them recorded under various different names, sometimes unlisted or not credited.

The music that was recorded in the early years was virtually the same stuff that was being played during the time. It could all stand up to the pop music of the time, but was only heard through the service. I got a chance to look at a few of the binders my grandfather kept of the production of these transcription disks. (the disks were like metal/acetate records) Each disk could hold a number of tracks. In the binders, I could see his remarks that rated something they could use or not -- NG for no good, don't use, for instance. These recordings were it. Each take had to be flawless because there were no do-overs or edits at that time.

It wasn't until after he left Muzak, did they stray from his model of production and selection did they go elevator on us. Bruce told me that at some point in the 90's (I think) they decided to ditch that type of music and go back to using original artists doing their original work.

So, all this brings me to February 12. My sister and I were invited back to HQ to participate in Muzak's kickoff celebration which focused on the 30's and featured prominently Ben Selvin and his contribution. They had a high school big band there, presented a large check through their Heart and Soul Foundation (to support music education), video and history presentations. My sister and I were there as a link to Ben Selvin and it was very touching to see my grandfather get some recognition for his contribution to the industry.

On a somber note, the day was exactly one year to the day of the passing of my father. I'm sure he would have wished he could be there to see that.

Flying Spaghetti Monster

The Band Formerly Totally Unknown as The Racket perform their original song, Flying Spaghetti Monster, at Town Hall in College Park, Maryland on January 31, 2009. Divinely inspired, the band channels the Almighty's Noodly Appendage in a rapturous jam. The band consists of members Rod Rebuck, guitars and vocals; Doug Lay, drums; Anne Albinak, bass; David Selvin, guitar.

Lingerie Bowl Canceled Over Nakedness!

Seriously:
The Lingerie Bowl had to be canceled because the sponsors and the host had a dispute they couldn't resolve: The game, which was to be broadcast during the Superbowl halftime show on another network, was to be hosted by a nudist colony and they couldn't guarantee that their attendees wouldn't come naked, so the organizers were forced to cancel because the wholesomeness that a game in which the players ran around in bras and panties would be compromised by having naked spectators.


Check it out:
Lingerie Bowl Canceled Over Nakedness

OH!bama

I wasn't sure if I was going to post this, but might as well:

It is different right now, to be sure.
For the past 2 presidents in particular, regardless of whether or not you consider yourself on the left or right, it has been a lifestyle of endurance through countless painful controversies. There has been a constant level of waves of unending stress, like the soundtrack of our lives has been bombarded with bright lights and loud obnoxious music to break our collectivce wills. I will refrain from listing them here. Politics is not what this blog is about.

Since the election, though, there is a sense of something we are not accustomed; there is a feeling of euphoria and the frenzied Obamamania that has gripped the country. While we are all pinching ourselves to see if this is for real, while we walk around with a renewed lightness of being, and while the opponents of anything that might look like a Good Opportunity lay in wait, I can't help but have this unpleasant and unpinpointable feeling like we are . . . oh! I don't know, going to lose it. Something (I'm sure Jung or Freud would have an explanation) is not letting me feel on the inside how I see others feel outwardly. It is not that I don't share in the moment the joy and excitement that is all around -- I do -- but there is something cautious inside saying that I shouldn't get too attached to the situation -- that at any moment, something is going to snatch it away. And we all want it so bad that I think people are very vulnerable to the disappointment of reality.
I've told my daughter to soak up the events, take it all in and understand that we are living through amazingly historical times and the fact is that we know it now. This is VERY COOL!
We know that we will be able to say to our kids and grandkids we were there while it happened.
I only hope that some unknown thing doesn't take it all away.
I am usually an optimist to a fault. I just don't know where my inner optimism is at the moment. It is not that I feel guilty or unworthy of enjoyment, I just feel overly cautious.