Maralynn Logan-Brown

I've written about loss here before -- anything from losing your mind, a familiar object or the loss of parents - in my case a stepfather and father within a year of each other. Loss is a funny thing because no matter what it is that is gone, your reaction to it is often unequal to its perceived importance. Grief is often unfair, sneaky, and patient.
The death of Maralynn Logan-Brown last night wasn't really all that shocking. She had not been able to come back to work as we had all hoped this year and had been giving it the good fight. She had ups and downs, but she had her faith and friends and family there to be with her. She had her own blog set up where we could get regular updates on how things were. Even though she wasn't at work, we were all still connected to her. We knew what was coming.
That is why I was quite confused by my reaction to the news of her death: it wasn't a surprise.
For me, though, I felt the accumulation of all the loss I have had to deal with over the last few years and my own mortality after a car accident I was in were a police officer told me he usually didn't see survivors. I looked at the announcement of her passing and immediately began to lose the understanding of the words I read. I wept.
But I was not alone. Maralynn's presence on this planet was huge. She was more than a wife, mother, friend, teacher. From the moment I met her 6 years ago when I first came to this school I felt like I knew her all my life. I felt that when we sat down next to each other in the staff lounge it would be like we were sitting down next to each other at the dinner table, fireside, or some event or outing. I always felt good when I was around her and I always felt better after seeing her. No matter what.
Walking into my classroom today was up there with one of the hardest things I've had to face and I didn't do it very gracefully. That being said, I have to say that my students are wonderful beings themselves. They are very sympathetic, empathetic and fiercely loyal. I asked them to write their thoughts and memories about Mrs. LB. The following are those comments they wrote:

• I bet Mrs. LB is smiling in heaven and we will always her.
• I remember we once had a gym teacher in [another school]. He was nice, but not like Mrs. LB
• She was always there for us in our troubles.
• She would always let us have a good laugh.
• I'll always remember the afro she had.
• She may be gone, but not to me.
• I've known Mrs. LB since second grade.
• I forgot what her smile is like (sigh)
• I remember how she would always cheer us on if we are having a hard time. Also she would spend time and play with us. I hope she rests in peace.
• I thought Mrs. LB was the sweetest soul in the world.
• When Mrs. LB played with us I could always feel that special place in my heart.
• I'll never forget her.
• When I heard Mrs. LB died, I broke to pieces, but I'll always remember Mrs. LB.
• Mrs. LB always cheered us on. I loved having er as a PE teacher. Her smile is unforgettable.
• Mrs. LB was the most kindest person and most playful person. She is always fun to be around. She will always be missed.
• When I came in fourth grade and met Mrs. LB, [we] got along well. She was fun and cool and I never heard her scream. she was so peaceful and she died in peace. She did not deserve this. We will always love you.
• Sometimes she would play with us and she would make up some new tagging games just for us. She would also play very joyous music and we would dance a lot. [accompanied with a picture of students dancing]
• Cancer may have struck her but she knew what would happen. I'm sure she went down peacefully and with a smile.
• I've known Mrs. LB since kindergarten. I remember in 2nd grade that once when I was sad and my uncle died, she cheered me up and said, "Don't be sad. I'm here!"
• Mrs. LB always was fun and cool. She always took us outside for free time or to play fun games like kickball and she always let us pick what games we wanted to play.
• Mrs. LB never said no to any of our new games. She always let us play and be the kids we are. Mrs. LB loved to see us play and run. She always had us play a new game every day.
• She never said no to us when we were wanting to play a game and she always kept a smile on her face.
• I was her little helper on play day or field day...
• Mrs. LB never yelled and she would stay calm. She let us play any game for a warm up. You could talk to her when you needed help. Most importantly, she was special to us.
• I remember when I was new last year. She took me in as one of her own. We used to always call her Grandma LB. If we had a bad day, she would always find some type of way to cheer us up. I loved her.
• Mrs. LB was a well respected person who everyone that knew her cared for her. Even people who didn't know her cared for her and knew she was a great P.E. teacher.
• Mrs. LB made my experience at [school] a great time. I will never forget how nice a person she was.
• Mrs. LB always cheered us on and she was a great person to know.
• We always used to do gymnastics and with that, we went on the ropes and the "cheese." I always got dizzy on the "cheese"!
• she was caring, playful, and she always made P.E. feel like a home away from home.
• Mrs. LB was the nicest person I have ever known. She was never the mean type.
• Why could a disease like this take such a wonderful person like Mrs. LB?
• Mrs. LB helped me when I was hurt so bad and those stupid doctors couldn't help her when she was hurt.
• She would always play and laugh with us. [accompanied with a picture of the gymnasium]
• Mrs. LB knew how to explain games very nicely so that it looked and sounded fun. And she was always enthusiastic about playing with us. She was fun!
• Mrs. Elby went to heaven. I'm sure she has white wings and a halo.
• Mrs. LB has been here since i was in pre-kindergarten. And for a lot of people, maybe kindergarten or something -- But she'd always put on a smile whenever we went to P.E.
• Mrs. LB was always playful and when we made up a new game, she let us play it right away. Sometimes she even brought music in for us. It was fun with her.