Family Life, part 3: Round Up

This has been an interesting round for Family Life. This year the boys asked thoughtful questions and also taught me a few things. It never ceases to amaze me to hear/read some of the things they come up with. The language they are using must be indicative of the environment and culture that surrounds them. While some of the questions they ask are standard and predictable, some of them are nothing short of bizarre and off-the-wall! This installment includes the wrap-up of some of the loose ends of the unit and also questions brought up when we had an RN come in as a guest speaker to talk about the birth process --from after conception through birth. We also discussed the Swine Flu a bit, as the school system gave us our own bottle of hand sanitizer along with a public release statement about the way to prevent or reduce the risk of spreading the virus. (what next, condoms?) There aren't any new words or terminology included in this installment, but there are some questions that did test my ability to keep focused and not lose it! Again, please note that for the most part, I have edited the responses to de-emphasize spelling and grammar issues (unless it adds to the interest of the response) so the content of the material here is the focus. For one thing, I have noticed that the kids spell penis many different ways, so in many cases, I have left the spelling the way it is. See how many different ways you can find!

1. After erections, when your ejaculate and have orgazam, is your penis soft?
2. What is a G-string?
3. Is the word pussy slang for vagina?
4. What does sexually active mean?
5. Do you get an erection, ejaculation and then orgasm and what are the differences?
6. There's a hockey team that is called the Washington CAPITALS and they are having a Beard-a-Thon
7. Is there a way you can shave the pubic area?
8. Is your peanis hurting a part of puberty?
9. How can a peenis get excited.
10. How do your balls get hard when you see a hot girl?
11. Can you die from the flu?
12. Can you get the flu if you touch the tissue box and someone else gets up and touches it too?
13. How do you shave the penis hair?
14. I know that the same thing happens to dogs like the erection.
15. If you are gay, how do you have kids with a man? but I'm not gay.
16. Does it hurt if your penis gets an erection and your penis gets bent?
17. Where do babies come out: the vagina or the butt hole?
18. Do girl's vaginas have sweat?
19. Why do girl's boobs grow bigger than ever?
20. Why do boys want to see girls boobs?
21. If a girl sees something exciting, do their vaginas get big?
22. Why do boys bodies have a penas?
23. Do boys eyes get big when you are going through puberty?
24. Is sperm the white stuff in your penis?
25. How are triplets born?
26. Don't eggs take 10 months after having sex?
27. What if your balls start burning because of soap?
28. What is a tampon?
29. If the girl uses all of her eggs, can she still get pregnant?
30. If an animal's blood gets in your body, can you still get HIV?
31. When men lose their hair, can it grow back?
32. How do twins happen when 1 egg [is there]?
33. What produces hormones?
34. Can you have sex while having an erection?
35. Why do some men have men boobs?
36. If your balls get cut, can sperms leak out? [my personal favorite question here!]
37. Why do some women have beards and mustaches?
38. What if you accidentally pee in a girl's vagina while having sex?
39. What is a dooshbag?
40. Can you have only one testicle?
41. Why are babies bald when they are born?
42. As you grow and you have hair on your penits, do you cut off the hair there?
43. When does puberty become the strongest? At what age do most of the things happen?
44. If you have sex before the HIV has shown up in your blood, because it takes about 6 months to show up in the blood, will you get HIV?
45. On which part of the body do you grow hair the most?
46. Can you force sperm out like pee?
47. What happens when you . . . have sex when you still have the baby in your stomach?
48. How do you ejaculate the sperm?
49. Will we grow hair in our pubic area?
50. when semen mixes with the egg, a baby is made, right?
51. How would you know it is not pee if the water broke?
52. What is the cervix?
53. What does it mean to get the tubes tied?
54. Can the baby still be in the woman's stomach if it died?
55. Do twins come out at the same time?
56. Can the baby eat anything?
57. What do you need a C-section for?
58. Does the woman feel weird when the baby is coming out?
59. What if the baby is too fat and cracks the mama's rib cage?
60. What if the baby is born butt first?
61. What is the string in the baby's belly button?
62. What is labor?
63. So, the baby comes out in 40 weeks?
64. Why can't you remember anything when your a baby? (in the stomach)
65. How do you know when the baby is full when it's eating?
66. If there are twins, where would they be?
67. Isn't it true that sometimes when a baby is born that after the mom could get sick?
68. How long does it take to recover? [from labor]
69. What does labor mean and what happens to the woman?

Family Life, Continued...

Note: This post is the second installment of questions from 5th graders taking the Family Life unit. I am presenting this material because I believe it is important to understand what our kids know, don't know, and wonder about. These are actual questions and comments that they have written down on note cards during the unit. While many of these responses are amusing on the surface, they must highlight the seriousness and importance of giving children the appropriate information according to their age and needs in order to make healthy and informed choices. It is also informational for us as adults, too. Several pop culture terms have surfaced that have taken us by surprise. The previous Family Life posting referenced the term ski. This posting will reveal another term that to unsuspecting parents/adults may find a bit disturbing when I explain its meaning. Some of the information in this post may contain explicit language. Be forewarned.
This brings me to another point. How do I address these questions to the kids? That is a good question. First, I must say that I am practiced in the Art of the Straight Face. That is not to say that I don't loose it once in a while when I get a question that is unbelievably bizarre, but for the most part, what the kids write is fairly routine. Most of it I can handle or deflect. When it comes to questions regarding the act of sex, family planning issues, or other taboo subjects, I calmly acknowledge the question and tell them that it might be better if they get that information from their family, doctor, or (insert appropriate person). Once in a while there is a question that is disturbing, to which I have resources to draw upon. I will not be addressing how I have answered any of these questions here directly, sorry. Again, in MOST cases, I will edit these questions only for clarity. I do not want these postings to be more about spelling and grammar, however there will be a few places where I leave the spelling as it is because, well, you'll see.
Enjoy! These are from the boys:

1. Why do you throw up when you get hit in the penis?
2. Is it possible for a woman to get a mustache?
3. What if you tell an adult if you're touched on your private parts and they adults don't believe you?
4. What is semen?
5. When you go through changes, will we get mad sometimes?
6. Will the hair go away when we get older?
7. What happens when a girl gets sexually excited?
8. What does beating your meat mean?
9. When semen hits the surface, doesn't it get hard? Because when ski hits the ground, someone said it hardens. <-----Editor's note and explicit warning! Here's is an eye-opener! In reference to yesterday's comment about semen being called ski, again we were wondering what this one meant about semen hardening. Thanks to an astute staff member, we found out there is a Soulja Boy song called Crank Dat Dance, where a certain term is used: Superman that hoe. Here are part of the lyrics: Soulja Boy Off In This Hoe/Watch me Crank ItWatch me Roll/Watch me Crank Dat Soulja Boy/Then Super Man Dat Hoe. So what does this have to do with semen, or ski, hardening? This is the connection: Apparently, Super man is a verb and this action is to fuck a passed out female from behind, pull out and come on her back, and use it to paste a sheet on her back so that when she wakes up, she has a superhero "cape" on her back. Did you know this? I didn't.
10. Which part of the body creates sweat?
11. Why do girls grow earlier than boys?
12. When you are kicked in you penis, why does it make you want to throw up?
13. When you have sex, how do you know if it's a boy or a girl. <-----Editor's note: I just read a funny posting about Senetor Al Franken. In it, Al is going on a date and his dad figures he needs to tell him about the birds and the bees. When he gets to the part of the female anatomy, Al looks at his dad in surprise and says (and I may be paraphrasing), "What? Girls don't have penises?" Of course, his father became distressed, and of course, Al was just joking.
14. When you have sex, do you get sex diseases?
15. Do girl's vaginas have hair?
16. How does sperm come out when you have sex?
17. Do we have sperm in us now?
18. Why do girls have breasts?
19. When you see something exciting and your balls/penis gets big, is it called horny?
20. When you are kicked in the balls, do the testes hurt?
21. Can an egg get to a lady anytime or is there a certain time?
22. Does puberty start mostly early or mostly late?
23. I thought kidneys cleaned the pubic area.
24. Is another name for panty liners a thong?
25. What is the difference between a training bra and bra?
26. Doesn't having sex with girls with HIV or AIDS give you their disease?
27. How do you ejaculate the sperm?
28. When a girl first has her period, if she uses a tampon, can she die?
29. Why do we go through puberty?
30. Do we go through puberty when we are adults?
31. One time my mom told me that one woman on the radio kissed another woman on the cheek. That was weird!
32. Do animals go through puberty?
33. Does your penis stay bigger after an erection?
34. Is there an egg that comes from both ovaries? (I think he meant do both ovaries send out an egg at the same time)
35. Why does blood come to the penis and make it harden?
36. Why do we have sex?
37. Is there any type of protective gear for when you have sex? 'cause I've heard of condums.
38. Does it hurt a girl when she gets hit in the vagina?
39. Does it hurt a girl if you stick your dick in the vagina?
40. If the Tampax gets stuck, will she die?
41. This one is unedited: If the penus is in a girl's butt, is it true [that afterwards] she gets loose vowels, which is she has to doo doo?

These are from the girls:

1. Is it true that you need to have sex to have babies?
2. What if you caught someone having sex, like your parents or someone and they didn't know. What do you do? (but it never happened to me).
3. What do you do if someone is abusing you?
4. Are we talking about body parts or sex?
5. What is it called if a boy or girl takes a pic then sends it to a boy or girl?
6. This class is so new to me. It feels weird.
7. Why can't you legally say things?
8. If you are a girl and change your sex to a guy, do you still have periods?
9. Why does the girl get periods?
10. PS: I don't have mine yet.
11. My mom told me before I had my, you know what. She said to me if I have sex, I would probably get, you know, so I knew about this because my mom told me.
12. Do people feel weird or embarrassed when they get their purpety?
13. What are some other ways U know that U have U're period?
14. Do tampons feel like pills for yeast?
15. Can you feel blood going through your system?
16. Do you have to start your period to have to be pregnant?
17. If I have my period during school, can I come to U 4a pad?
18. If I have my period on the pool party, can you help me with my tampon? If not, what should I do? (don't say my name if they ask)
19. How long would puberty really last?
20. Do you get cramps be4 your period gets there?
21. What is estrogen?
22. How [does] the pad get thin and longer?
23. Why do boy's penises point more?
24. If you get your period for the first time, how do you keep track of if you have a light, regular, or extra blood flow?
25. What if a girl starts the period at elementary school and the school didn't have pads?
26. What if a girl started the period at home and they ran out of pads and it was too dark to buy pads until the next day?
27. How do you deal with your period when it is unregular and you don't know when it's coming.
28. What should be the first kind of pad we get?
29. What age did you get your period?
30. When you first start getting your period, how would you know which pad size to get?
31. How does puberty happen?
32. How does your period happen?
33. What age would be safe to wear a tampon?
34. When you get your period, does it hurt a lot?
35. Why can't girls and boys be friends without people thinking you're going out?
36. Do you have to sleep with a pad on?
37. If a woman has a hysterectomy, can she still have a baby?
38. If you never have a period, what will happen?
39. Can you get affected by wearing a pad too long?
40. Who made or discovered sex?
41. What if your period lasts 1 day?
42. What if a boy knows that you have "P", what should you do?
43. When you wear a tampon, do you have a string hanging out of your vagina all day?
44. What if you are at school about in high school and you're taking a test and you have your period and you can't leave the room to change? What do you do?
45. When did you first get your period and at what age? When did you know about periods and puberty, and was it disgusting?
46. Can boys get periods?
47. How do you know when your blood comes out from your thing?
48. Why is penis so funnier than sex?
49. What age can a doctor stop looking at your you know what?
50. Isn't there something else that young girls have before they have a period? What is that called?
51. What if you start having your period and if you want to go to the nurse and your teacher is a guy, will they understand what we are going through and not freak OUT!!!
52. Why is the guys penis pointier than the women's?
53. Are discharges kind of like periods?
54. Why do men care about women's bodies so much?
55. When a boy gets erections, how long do they last? Are they like periods and do they come back? Does it hurt when a boy gets erections?
56. Is it possible for males to have babies?
57. If a [boy] loses his penis, what will happen?
58. Do boys have something like a period to show that they are going through puberty?
59. how does the boy's penis get an erection?
60. When you're pregnant, how long does it take for your body to find out your pregnant and start having symptoms?
61. Can you shave the hair on your private parts, or you just let it keep growing?
62. What is labia and tubes?
63. How do the boys get pads?
64. Exactly what is sperm?
65. The first time I get my period, will it be a heavy flow?
66. What do you mean it hardens? (the penis)
67. Do all boys have wet dreams?
68. What does erection mean? I don't understand it.
69. How exactly does an egg and sperm meet?
70. An ejaculation is when sperm comes out of the boy's penis, or is it when the penis hardens?
71. Do you still have your period when you get preg?
72. Do you get preg. every time you have sex?
73. We have thousands of eggs, right? Does that mean when all the eggs are done, [we are] done with having our period?
74. So when the egg cracks, does it mean you're having your you know?
75. Do boys grow hair on their penis?
76. If a male and a female have sex but with a condom, is there still a chance of her still getting pregnant? What does a condom look like?
77. What is the youngest age anyone has had their period?
78. What age do you start your period? (usually)
79. If you're on your period and having sex, what will happen to a girl when you're in high school?
80. Are women the only human group to have babies?

A Quick Pi Update

Yesterday, my pi eating student reached the 1001 digit milestone. What can you say about that?
Today I told my students that if they all get A's on their spelling test that I would attempt to recite pi to 50 digits and if everyone got 100%, that I would do that for 100 digits. They said that I should say that I will, not should. I told them that I was too old to remember that many digits and that I was being honest in saying I would attempt to do it. After all, that is all that I asked from them, right?
Anyway, one student chimed in and said, "Mr. Selvin, you're not that old!"
She got an "A" for the day!

Family Life: It's that time again! Warning: this posting contains some explicit language!

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Random Conversations

Nat: Why did the rooster cross the road?
Dad: I don't know, why?
Nat: Because the chicken was on vacation!

The Nature of Two Things That are Perplexing

There are two things that I find quite perplexing -- one rather amazing and the other rather amusing.
First, the amazing thing:
The student of mine who recited the 314 + digits of pi from memory a few weeks ago and thus causing me to don a blond do just recited 901 digits of pi today.
Yes, that's right folks! We had some visitors in the building today and they got to witness it too.
This student is not someone who you'd think would take up such a task. He's not D&D geeky or strangely savant. He's smart but not flashy and prefers to fly under the radar. Except for this anomaly, he's quite the adequate minimalist. However, this challenge has him showing his true nature. I told him that the cat's out of the bag now. This is big!

Secondly, the amusing thing:
It seems that my shortest blog entry happens to be the one that draws the most traffic! It is about a naturist beach I visited in Cornwall, England last summer. I would say that two-thirds of the visitors from Google searches include the word "naturist" in them.
Who'da known?
BTW, the second most-searched blog entries that are visited are related to the posts of the questions that the students ask during our 5th grade unit on Family Life, which is coming up very shortly. Check back in the near future for these updates!

Blond, Redux

So it was done. I'm now blond. Personally, I don't understand why people go through what it takes to do dye their hair, but that is another matter. What matters is that when I come back from spring break, my students will see that I have kept up by end of the challenge and did it.
What is even more amazing is that my students are incredible! One third of the students in the 5th grade have recited 20 or more digits of pi from memory, with about 12 of them hitting 50 or more digits! And, as if all of these exclamation points were not justified, here's another: One kid recited pi to 617 digits from memory yesterday!!! (yes, I think that deserves the extra !'s)
I don't know exactly what drives this urge, but I hope that it somehow transfers to them understanding that with a little bit of effort, they can do anything they set their minds to. Jaime called up the local paper, The Gazette, and a reporter wrote an article about it! (yes, another !)
[note: The article mentions that I said that pi goes out to 1 trillion digits, which is a significant misquote. I said that computers have calculated pi through that range, but as far as we know, since it is an irrational number, it goes on forever.]

Noodles, The Googling Cat

I am always amused, as is our generation, of the amazing technical prowess of kids these days. After all, I remember how cool it was as we stuck in the cassette tape to boot up our Commodore 64's in computer class in high school and how cutting edge it was for us to be programming in Basic code to make a number appear on the screen when we input a set of data. Now, if I have any problems with the computer (or the DVD remote, for that matter) all I have to do is ask my daughter or son, who have already figured it all out. It just amazes me to think that somewhere around my son's age, my dad brought home the latest and best Texas Instruments digital calculator with its bulky (by today's standards) hull and bright red digital readout. I remember playing with it doing all sorts of unnecessary calculations just to see it work. The first Macintoshes were years off and the verb or notion to google something was even further away and if I wanted to learn about something, I still had to open up the set of Encyclopaedia Britannica on our bookshelf to get some insight. Now my daughter sifts through the information with a few keystrokes to decide what to put in a report about Tasmania or I find an audio presentation about the Cyclops Polyphemus being outsmarted by Odysseus when my son says that "Nobody did it."

So to my surprise this morning, I found out that Noodles the cat has entered the information age! I left my laptop open on the table when I left this morning to take my daughter to horseback lessons. When I got back, there was Noodles sitting there beside the laptop as if I had just interrupted her from doing nothing. I knew she was sitting at, or more correctly on, the computer because I had to blow away some of her fur off the keyboard and screen. What I didn't know was that I must have caught her in the act of googling some information. I could see it in her eyes as they said, "Curses, foiled again. Oh look, a fly!"

When I looked at the computer, the Google page was up and the settings were somewhat altered, and on the search bar there was something typed in. At first it looked like just random keystrokes, but then I thought I'd check out what Noodles was "looking for."

Apparently, Noodles was looking for information regarding the cohesion of uniformity of soil (I guess for some plot to make a great escape out into the Outerworld). In the search bar I found the following:
"?(I9okn

Which was specific enough to bring up a few entries, one being about the aforementioned topic and others of undecipherable babble.

Who knew?